He stood there, dripping, tasting the flavour of 2019’s autumn. He had not cleared the pipe. He had simply taught it to spit.

Arthur bought Gladys a bottle of whisky. He cleaned his mother-in-law’s knitting needle. And he learned the true moral of the story: Don’t push the problem down. Clear it from the bottom. And if all else fails, find an old lady who knows where the real blockage is.

Arthur had two choices: call a plumber (who charged £300 just to look at a pipe) or watch his house dissolve into a puddle. He chose a third, stupider option: