She had given birth. And I had been there to catch her.
That’s when I realized: I was acting like a bad birth coach. I was shouting "PUSH!" without explaining how to breathe. If you are teaching a parent a new skill (technology, finance, health, or even social cues), treat it like labor. It’s messy, it hurts, but there is a beautiful result on the other side. Stage 1: Early Labor (The "Why" Phase) Symptoms: Denial. "I don't need to learn that." "Just do it for me." teaching my mother how to give birth
I cried, though.
Your impatience is a knife. Your sigh is an earthquake. She had given birth
She wasn't giving birth to a baby. She was "giving birth" to a new version of herself: a widow learning to pay bills online, a retired woman trying to join a Zoom book club, a patient navigating a new health portal. I was shouting "PUSH
I used to get frustrated. "Mom, just click the paperclip icon!" I’d say, my voice rising. She would shut down. Her shoulders would tense. She’d say, "I’m just not tech-smart."
Doing it for them. The Fix: Explain the pain relief . My mother didn't want to learn online banking. She wanted to stop driving 20 minutes to the bank in the rain. Once I framed it as "This app will save you 40 minutes every Tuesday," her contraction eased. Stage 2: Active Labor (The "How" Phase) Symptoms: Panic. Tears. "I'm stupid." "This is impossible."