The Frank And Beans Quandary -

The quandary was this: Frank had to find Beans before the ferret either (a) died of capsaicin overdose, (b) smeared chili onto every porous surface in the apartment, or (c)—most pressingly—crawled into a heating vent to die, which would perfume the entire house with the smell of rotting ferret and ghost pepper chili for the rest of the summer.

The quandary presented itself on a Tuesday. Frank had made his "Famous Five-Alarm Memorial Day Chili" for a neighborhood potluck. It contained three types of beans, ghost peppers, and a secret splash of espresso. It was, by all accounts, a masterpiece. He’d left the pot on the counter to cool, lid slightly ajar. the frank and beans quandary

It started, as these things often do, with a pot of chili and a tragic lack of foresight. The quandary was this: Frank had to find

In the end, Beans was bathed in the sink (he peed on Frank three times), the wall was patched with spackle, and the chili was deemed a total loss. It contained three types of beans, ghost peppers,

The neighborhood potluck that evening was chili-less. Frank brought a bag of store-brand tortilla chips and a haunted look in his eyes. Sheila told the story to everyone. Beans spent the night in a cardboard box, wearing a tiny, improvised cone made from a coffee filter, plotting his next move.

Frank did the only logical thing. He retrieved a can of tuna, a pair of oven mitts, and his neighbor, a quick-witted paramedic named Sheila who had once extracted a hamster from a vacuum cleaner.