Guide Fixed: The Laravel Survival
It’s 9:58 PM. You just pushed what you thought was a tiny hotfix: “Update user avatar validation.”
Add this temporarily to AppServiceProvider@boot : the laravel survival guide
The 10 PM Deployment Rule
Now go fix that avatar upload. And next time? Deploy at 11 AM on Tuesday. It’s 9:58 PM
Three minutes later, your phone buzzes. Then again. Then the Slack channel erupts. “500 error on profile uploads.” “Jobs stuck in failed table.” “Why is S3 returning AccessDenied?” Welcome to Laravel after dark. Here’s your survival guide for this exact moment. Don’t open the controller. Don’t blame Redis. Deploy at 11 AM on Tuesday
tail -50 storage/logs/laravel.log | grep -E "\[[0-9]4-[0-9]2-[0-9]2.*\].*ERROR" Or use Log::error() yourself next time with a unique marker like 🚨 DEPLOY . You set QUEUE_CONNECTION=database in .env . But config/queue.php says redis because someone committed it.
It’s 9:58 PM. You just pushed what you thought was a tiny hotfix: “Update user avatar validation.”
Add this temporarily to AppServiceProvider@boot :
The 10 PM Deployment Rule
Now go fix that avatar upload. And next time? Deploy at 11 AM on Tuesday.
Three minutes later, your phone buzzes. Then again. Then the Slack channel erupts. “500 error on profile uploads.” “Jobs stuck in failed table.” “Why is S3 returning AccessDenied?” Welcome to Laravel after dark. Here’s your survival guide for this exact moment. Don’t open the controller. Don’t blame Redis.
tail -50 storage/logs/laravel.log | grep -E "\[[0-9]4-[0-9]2-[0-9]2.*\].*ERROR" Or use Log::error() yourself next time with a unique marker like 🚨 DEPLOY . You set QUEUE_CONNECTION=database in .env . But config/queue.php says redis because someone committed it.