A Happily-Ever-After-ish Tale of Two Who-zits and a Whole Lot of Nonsense
In fair Verona-Who-ville, where the sidewalks are squiggly, Two families fought, and they did it quite frigidly. The Capulets! The Montagues! A terrible two-some. They’d argue whose toast had the yummiest yum-crumbs. (Enter ROMEO-ZOOT, sighing big sighs.) the seussification of romeo and juliet script
What light through yonder waffle iron breaks? T’is a Sneetch! And a glorious Sneetch, for goodness sakes! Her hair is like fizz-floss, her nose like a pootle. I’ll marry this creature and name her my Skittle! JULIET-GAZZ (giggles): A Montague? Gasp! A terrible pickle! My family will grumble and throw a loud nickel! But who cares for nickels? Who cares for a name? A rose by a smell-smell still smells the old same! (They hold hands. A small dog in a hat sneezes. They kiss. It sounds like a “Zoop!”) A Happily-Ever-After-ish Tale of Two Who-zits and a
THE SEUSSIFICATION OF ROMEO AND JULIET
You Montague doodle-head! Scallion-fish-bait! You ruined my party! You ate off my plate! MERCUTIO-GOOSE (jumping in front): Stand back, Romeo-Zoot! This fellow’s a prune! I’ll fight him with spoons and a three-headed baboon! (They fight. MERCUTIO falls. He looks up, very dramatic.) A terrible two-some
Drink this! You’ll look as dead as a doornail’s third cousin. Your family will weep. They’ll cry by the dozen. Then Romeo will find you, and you’ll wake with a sneeze, And run off to live with the Grickle-Bark trees! (She drinks. She flops. She looks very dead.)